Sometimes when I react to somebody sharing personal ‘stuff’ I feel (or am told) that I can be a little patronising. That is not what I want and can now see 2 reasons for that:
1. Along with my reaction I can still have a (sometimes well hidden) intention to change / ‘help’ the other based on my ‘knowledge and experience’. Which I know to be unproductive / impossible and only results in distance instead of connection. Only remedy here is to truly let go of the urge to do that even when I see, feel or think that the other is in ‘pain ‘.
Hein & me somewhere in Utah
2. The other person is somehow is not ready or still programmed to hear my input ‘as if I know what is best for her or him’. Therefore I should always check very carefully if the other is truly asking for input from you and ready to receive it.
When I follow these principles of ‘non-patronising’ sharing it is still a challenge for me to let go of the feeling that nothing has happened when we part. That is however far from the truth and more related to what is still present of my ego, seeking recognition for its ‘contribution’. Better is to trust that things are exactly as they should be at that moment.
With thanks to vdB for giving me the last push towards this insight.