When thinking about which potential (future) projects that would energise me one of the criteria would often be ‘impactful’. Whereby impact would somehow stand for ‘substantial’ or potential to become big (not something small), meaningful and ‘resolving some broad, serious social issue’.

Now I’m not so sure anymore if impact (in that sense) still is a relevant criterium for me. Talking from my limited but personal experience the actual impact of larger projects is very difficult to assess (let alone predict) and can therefore be quite different from your ‘good’ intentions in the beginning.

Independer.nl can for instance be seen as a successful project whereby the power balance between larger financial institutions and the consumer has been somewhat restored to the benefit of consumers. But maybe its actual impact is that the balance of power was been restored just enough to prevent a larger, more fundamental and sustainable change.

I’m sure that all of us can think of negative by-effects of well intended political initiatives by far exceeding the positive effects that were hoped for.

At the same time I realise more and more that the only thing I (or one) can actually do or influence is what I do right now at this exact moment. And that makes it easy and difficult at the same time.

Easy because the consequences of small ‘direct’ actions is much easier to assess (and correct if necessary). If these are inspired by good intentions (and not my desire for a certain future outcome) and if I’m confident that they serve life (instead of harming it) I can assume that that is the right action to take.

Difficult because this maybe feels as too insignificant (not ‘big’ enough). As if it implies that the meaning of my life (just doing the next little thing with car) is too limited to feel comfortable with. As if for my life to be meaningful ‘big actions’ are required.

After practicing for a while I can say that my sense of well being is much better served by well intentioned small direct actions. An unexpected by product is that my vision for the best next small action is no longer blurred by the necessity (to prove myself) by achieving some much more complicated bigger plan. An abundance of possibilities replaces the scarcity and adversity I experienced before (more about this in a next post).

And somehow the acceptance of a lack of clarity around (the existence) of a personal purpose in life feels not only liberating but also more ‘true’.